I’ve been asked by a few to divulge this one particular story. Now I’m rather detached from time unfortunately so I can’t remember whether this story came about in grade ten or eleven. My only reference point is that it was a while after my favourite burger in the entire universe, The Double Crunch, got discontinued. I’ve never quite forgiven KFC in South Africa for cancelling it, and in the week that I found out they would be I ate seven in a matter of days.

This short story came from a school paper incidentally. It was exams and I was sitting in English paper three, the creative writing paper. I loved that one. It was my channel to be bizarre, creative and take risks. It wasn’t about the marks for me. It was about writing. And fortunately my writing led to good marks. In one particular paper the third writing part gave a variety of options, and one of them was to write three diary entries. I’m not quite sure what made me write about KFC, but I would assume that I was hungry and dealing with the loss of the Double Crunch.

Either way, I somehow received full marks for this piece. I thought I’d share it with you today, but bare with me I’ll have to recall it from memory since I don’t actually have the paper with me. Come on, I’m not that big of a loser. Just note that naturally the dates won’t be the same and the writing of course won’t be word for word, but it’s the general story idea that counts. Also bear in mind it was a very short piece. The word limit was under three hundred or something but I had a habit of always going over. Lastly, I left out the “dear diary” parts because reasons.

Here goes.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Today I have discovered a dark truth. Something so evil that it must have been referenced somewhere in biblical scripture as a sign of the apocalypse. I have found out that KFC is discontinuing the Double Crunch. The agony that I feel right now is immense. I know that my time is short. It is too late to find one today, and so tomorrow I shall hunt down a Double Crunch. I need to devour as many as possible. Buy as many as possible. Freeze them and save them for as long as possible. Whatever it takes I will have it.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

PAIN! My local KFC has run out of stock. There were none left for me. The savage humans had gotten here and taken it all. That was a sure apocalyptic sign: fighting over food resources. I searched far and wide, but I could not find a Double Crunch anywhere. My time ran out. I am too depressed and wounded to write anything further.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

I could not believe my eyes. The final KFC, in the dark corners of Cape Town, still had Double Crunches stock. The joy was too much. I ordered two and must have looked like a junkie at the table as I waited. When it finally arrived I tore the box to shreds and picked up the burger. I took a huge bite. It was perfection. Before I knew it the Double Crunch was gone and I slumped in a crack-head kind of daze. I reached for my second burger.

I froze.

A grim realisation had suddenly struck me. This week I had hunted down this Double Crunch, poured all my heart and soul into it and lost myself. But soon this Double Crunch would be gone. It was already a remnant of the past. I was holding on too tight. What if this Double Crunch represented my inability to let go? What if it was holding me back from what I really needed to do?

I rose from my seat with purpose. I picked up the box, walked outside and wordlessly handed the Double Crunch to a homeless man on the side of the road. A weight lifted from my shoulders. I felt a calmness; a tranquility.

I smiled to myself and left – finally ready to move on.

Advertisements